February 2011
1 post
i don’t think i’ve ever felt as alone as i do in this moment
October 2009
2 posts
what is it about parents anyway? why is it that it’s so easy for them to make us feel bad? -JD, Scrubs
i'm back
so i’m in the middle of an identity crisis. my identity crisis? i feel like i don’t deserve to be here. i feel like i don’t deserve anything anymore. i so badly want to be a part of something, but i have no idea what. college is supposed to be a place where you find yourself, but i feel like i’ve only found out that i’m stuck being the girl i’ve always been. i...
May 2009
10 posts
i’m 20 years old. i should be able to deal with this. i am not at the same crossroads as i was when i was 15. i’m more mature now. but why do i feel like it’s exactly the same?
i wanna be able to accept the mess. i don’t deserve him, or anyone to take any interest in me. i kinda wish you didn’t meet worthy people when you were at your semi rock bottom. it makes it hard to feel like you haven’t missed out because you were here. you don’t wanna be here. you wanna be where you thought you would 8 months ago. how could i have not forseen this. was i...
just call me ana
you know, ever since i read lena’s post that day, i can’t seem to get out of my head. i can’t seem to unrelate, or shrug off what she said. i’m too connected, and i can’t help but wish i wasn’t.
lately, i haven’t felt the calorie-consuming thoughts, and i haven’t felt like i need to control the bites of what i ate, but i have felt the not eating.
...
i feel like there’s a lot to say to my best friend right now. i mean, i don’t think he knows that he is actually my best friend. there’s not enough obnoxiousness to make him decide he doesn’t want to listen. he’s there. and i just want to be there for someone. i want to be there for him. what is my life nowadays? backing in my semi-failures. which, don’t get me...
I don’t know how i got here.
“i’d rather fight with you than make love with anyone else”
– dermot mulroney, the wedding date
“i think i’d miss you if we’d never met.”
– dermot mulroney, the wedding date
i’m drinking myself into oblivion because i feel like i’m falling apart. doesn’t that sound a bit self-destructive?
“destiny is something we’ve invented because we can’t stand that...”
– Meg Ryan, Sleepless in Seattle
last day of classes
i wish i was seventeen again. i though i had the whole world figured out. and i was happy. so ridiculously happy.
April 2009
16 posts
nostalgia
i find myself listening to a lot of early 90’s pop lately.
Right now:
98 degrees- Because of you
“You’re my sunshine after the rain
you’re the cure against my fear and my pain
cause i’m losing my mind when you’re not around
it’s all because you”
“This September, I found myself eating as little as I did a year ago. I stopped being able to recognize hunger pangs, an aftereffect of the havoc I wreaked on my developing body. It is always disturbing to realize that I must eat on schedule because I cannot rely on instinct.”
-Lena Chen, Sex and The Ivy 2006
I’m at this point again, and it almost surprises me that other people...
Eating Disorders
“I hesitated at the checkbox for bulimia when I filled out my medical information for enrollment to Harvard. I’ve never been diagnosed with an eating disorder, so I feel uncomfortable laying claim to a disease which has inflicted greater pain on other women, those even less equipped to deal with their bodies than I am. But maybe there’s just not a name for the obsession of my youth. After...
too many corners in my mind
“Are you sad we missed it?
We didn’t miss it. This is it.”
– Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist
i’m feeling the urge to run. i need a good long sprint to get out all this frustration. but first, i need to clean to my room.
my mother. a woman who really believes that money can buy happiness.
the only time i ever actually miss having a boyfriend is when i’m traveling. you would think it would be all the happy couples you see around; the girls who have a guy to hold their coat and lean their head on. but for me, it’s the starry eyes of those with someone to go home to.
“It’s easy to suggest a quick solution, when you don’t know much about the...”
– Grey’s Anatomy (via littlemiss)
“Whoever said What you don’t know can’t hurt you was a complete and total moron....”
– Grey’s Anatomy (via littlemiss)
“sometimes we put up walls. not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough...”
– postsecret
so i got drunk tonight. its 4:22am. i just couldn’t stand being in my head anymore.
i think quite possibly maybe i'm falling for you
i think i have a problem. i think this is a means for me to try to sort this out. i don’t know why i am unhappy with my perfect life. honestly, it seems like there is nothing else i could have wanted to ask for to make my life more perfect to get me to where i am. and for some reason, i’m not performing up to my potential or appreciating any of it. i mean, logically i know i should,...
littlemiss:
“If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.”
— E.B. White
I feel like this sums up my torn emotions. i feel like this everyday and i feel like this is one of the main issues...
My first attempt at a blog.
A lot of the times, i feel like J.D. from scrubs. I feel like i constantly have this inner monologue going, as if i’m trying to narrate/analyze/explain/understand my life by constantly thinking it out.
Anyway, i’m going to start off this blog with a random rant that I felt the need to type out. The other day, i went in to see an advisor, and she asked me if i felt that med school was...