i’m back
so i’m in the middle of an identity crisis. my identity crisis? i feel like i don’t deserve to be here. i feel like i don’t deserve anything anymore. i so badly want to be a part of something, but i have no idea what. college is supposed to be a place where you find yourself, but i feel like i’ve only found out that i’m stuck being the girl i’ve always been. i don’t have anything. i don’t do anything worthy of anything. i used to have classes and grades, but now i’m on academic fucking probation and i don’t have any of that. i feel so restless. i want to do something and i want to be somebody but i feel like it’s too late and if it’s not then i feel like i don’t know where to start.
i feel like i don’t deserve to be here. i’ve done nothing to show that i do. i swore that i’d do things differently this time, because i got my second chance and i started out perfectly. i made myself the perfect applicant, and then i got here and fucked it all up. how did i miss that i was completely ruining myself last year? where the hell was i? what was so worth the waste?
i have people. i never cared that i didn’t have filler friends or didn’t network with a thousand of my classmates. but now i feel like i need to get out there so i can find something new, whatever it is. but today i realized that i have absolutely nothing to offer. why would anyone want to be friends with me? what do i have to bring to the table? yeah, let me try and answer that and maybe we’ll get somewhere
