My first attempt at a blog.
A lot of the times, i feel like J.D. from scrubs. I feel like i constantly have this inner monologue going, as if i’m trying to narrate/analyze/explain/understand my life by constantly thinking it out.
Anyway, i’m going to start off this blog with a random rant that I felt the need to type out. The other day, i went in to see an advisor, and she asked me if i felt that med school was my calling. i said that it was. however, the following is a little excerpt of how i actually felt and for some reason could not explain or even fully understand myself, in that moment. It is only through continual analysis of conversations that i ever figure out the things i wish i could have said to explain how i was really feeling in the moment. because i guess i just feel like my words are just never enough. Here goes:
you know, if you asked me six months ago, I would have said I was sure. Totally, utterly, and completely sure. And now, I want to say that I’m sure but I’m starting to question everything. I want to say I’m sure, but it’s complicated. And I used to think that complicated just meant that you weren’t sure. That it was just an excuse, because things are simple. Like, if you love someone, you just love them. There’s no question about it. You simply do. or you simply don’t. Even when things are really difficult and you’re being put through a lot of crap, you still know. You’re sure. You love them or you don’t. Just because it’s complicated doesn’t mean you don’t know. And the guy who says things are complicated just isn’t that into you, because if he was, he would uncomplicate them or just stop making excuses. Six months ago, I would have told you that people complicate things because they just don’t really know. If they really knew what they wanted and how they felt, it wouldn’t even be complicated. And now, I want to say that I know, and that i’m sure, but I just… I don’t know.
So i guess this blog is going to be something like an official record of my inner monologue. An analysis of events past, feelings of the present, and thoughts of the future.
